forward to It Ends With Me

Here is the forward to my book, hope you enjoy it.

This book is dedicated to all the children; past, present and future, who will be beaten by the people they love. The children who will get lost along the way, dropped in between the cracks of the system. It is dedicated to the damaged people who had no choice as children. They need to know that they have a choice now.

Being lost is never easy. Finding your way back to sanity is a very long road. For some the pain of being alive is just too great they never make it back and end up taking their own lives. If you've never been abused - mentally, physically or sexually - I am grateful that you were spared this atrocity. You may never be able to relate to a person that has, because every abused person lives in their own hell. Somehow I hope this may help you understand, even a little, the deep torment that we, the abused, have to live with and fight everyday to overcome.

My story, as bad as it is, is a lot better than others. I know this because I have been around the places in which our kind are forced to dwell all my life. I have heard their stories. Some have had it better. Some have had it worse. But make no mistake, no matter the level of abuse, the kind of abuse or the frequency of it, it was all that child knew. It was their very existence and as a result of the way they were forced to live, they never learned what healthy love is. As I write this there is a very good possibility that someone you know is beating their child, or children. Abusers are very private about the fact that they beat, belittle, or molest children. You can't pick out an abuser in a crowd, they appear normal in every way. It is only in the privacy of their home or in an institution where there are no witnesses and where a child has no credibility, that they practice their sick, deviant and destructive art.

Abused children grow up, they get married and have children. The fact is, that if they never did anything to heal themselves, to learn a different way, then there is a very real chance that they too, will become an abuser. I beg of you, if you know someone who was abused, help them heal. If you suspect someone of abuse, don't sit on the sidelines praying you're wrong. Do whatever it takes to ensure that no child that you meet is ever beat in the name of 'love'. I don't have the words to describe the agony of being beaten or inappropriately touched by someone you love. To have a parent or counselor or spouse yelling at you that you are useless. There are millions for whom this is a reality. Children die everyday from neglect and abuse. It is not something I need statistics to prove. We all know the truth of it, we see it on the news, in the newspaper and in our lives.

I have no clue if this book will ever be published. I have no idea of knowing if my message will get out there. It is my prayer that it does. I need people who have been abused to know that they are not alone. That there are others who are just as damaged and that others know their pain, their fears and the inner torment that they suffer. I need to shout it loud and clear! There is a way to heal! There is a way to get beyond your past. There is HOPE! This is my prayer for you: I pray that you find peace, I pray that you learn that it was never your fault. My hope is that you can get past the pain, learn to trust again and let it all go. I pray that you take the time to do this - before you have children of your own and find that because you did not do anything about your past, your children have to relive it. I pray that the day never comes when you look down upon your child or wife in rage, that you never hurt someone you love. That it will end with you and that the cycle will stop. That you realize you are a miracle.

I am living proof that it can be done! It wasn't easy and it took everythingI went through to get to where I am today. Today I know I will not hurt my children and more importantly, they know it. Today my family does not live in fear of me. I have found a wonderful freedom and I want you to know that it is out there for you too.